Kulipa Kilemba Na Mkaja Kabla Ya Ndoa

SWALI:

Asalam Aleykum

Mine is a long story but i pray that you get time to read it and answer me please.I had planned to get married in August but due to a certain problem i had to cancel my wedding.Everything was ok untill my parents asked my fiance to pay them a certain amount of money (known as kilemba na mkaja) before he marries me.

 I dint know that a man had to pay something in order to marry.My fiance got really angry and refused to pay saying that its haraam.My parents told me that its a tradition and somehow its also religious so he had to pay.But my fiance refused completely.Because of this i had to call off the wedding because there seemed to be no other way out.I love my parents very much and i dint want to take side with either them or my fiance. So i had no choice. Now i just want to ask if what my parents did was ok.Am realy confused coz i donr know between my parents and my fiance, who is right? Is paying kilemba na mkaja just a tradition or is it allowed in religion? Am confused please help me. Asalam Aleykum

JIBU:

Sifa zote njema Anastahiki Allaah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala) Aliyetukuka Mola wa walimwengu wote, Swalah na salamu zimshukie kipenzi chetu Mtume (Swalla Allahu 'alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) na Swahaba zake (Radhiya Allahu 'anhum jamiy'an) na watangu wema mpaka Siku ya Qiyaama.

Tunanamshukuru dada yetu kwa swali
lake
hili zuri. 

Kuhusu halali na haramu Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala) na Mtume Wake (Swalla Allaahu ‘alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) wametupatia muongozo ambao lau tutaufuata basi hatutapotea milele. Hivyo, mambo ya halali na haramu yapo wazi kwetu sisi. Mbali na hayo yapo mambo ambayo yana utata, na hayo tumeshauriwa kuepukana nayo kabisa. Pia yapo mambo ambayo Uislamu umenyamaza bila kuyazungumzia. Mtume (Swalla Allaahu ‘alayhi wa aalihi wa sallam) anatuelezea, “Hakika Allah Aliyetukuka Amelazimisha faradhi basi musiziwache, na ameweka mipaka musiivuke, na Ameharamisha mambo musiyafanye, na Amenyamaza juu ya mambo ilihali ya kuwa ni rehema kwenu nyinyi bila ya kusahau, basi musiyatafute” (Hadiyth hii ni Hasan, imepokewa na al-Haakim, ad-Daraqutwniy na al-Bayhaqiy).

Katika harusi yapo mambo ambayo ni thabiti na ni nguzo kwa kusihi nikaha hiyo. Katika mambo hayo ni kukubali kwa mume na mke kuoana, idhini ya walii, mashahidi wawili waadilifu, mume kulipa mahari walioridhiana na mke, na walima. Katika ziada, mambo mengi yanatofautiana baina ya Waislamu wanaoishi katika sehemu tofauti duniani. Haya mambo hayajaelezwa na Dini. Katika mambo hayo ni kuwa ikiwa mambo hayo hayapingani na Dini basi hayakatazwi na ikiwa lau yatapingana na Dini basi hapo yatakuwa hayafai kufanywa.

Katika mambo yanayotofautiana baina ya sehemu tofauti duniani ni baba mzazi kupewa kilemba au mkaja au tunu na bwana harusi. Jambo hili halijakatazwa ikiwa lipo katika ada na desturi za sehemu au kabila
hilo. Bwana harusi anaweza kumpatia baba mkwe wake tunu au zawadi kulingana na uwezo wake. Tatizo mara nyingi ni kuwa baba huwa anataka kima cha hiki kilemba ambacho ni kikubwa ambacho inafanya mume asiweze kumudu, hivyo kulifanya jambo
hilo liwe haramu. Na mara nyengine anampatia atakayekuwa mume kama bili ya kumlea yule binti na kumsomesha. Kwa hakika kufanya hivyo ni makosa na mara nyengine vijana hao wapendane kwa sababu hawana njia nyengine ya kuweza kubaki pamoja inakuwa ni kutembea pamoja na mwishowe pengine kijana amtie msichana mimba. Hapo baba ili kuficha aibu hiyo basi atamuozesha bure bintiye. Hii ni natija ambayo ni mbaya sana katika jamii yetu. Hiyo ni kwa kuwa Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala) Amesema, “Allah Haikalifishi nafsi yeyote ila yaliyo sawa na uweza wake” (2: 286).

Ndoa imefanywa rahisi, na lau tutaondoa vikwazo visivyo na msingi kama hayo mambo ya kilemba na mkaja na pia kuyafanya mahari kuwa ghali, kutarahisisha wasichana kuolewa na vijana kuoa tena kwa kasi kubwa.

Nasaha na ushauri wetu kwako ni kuwa ujaribu kuzungumza na wazazi wako waweze kuregeza kamba yao na pia kuwatuma watu wako wa karibu au watu wa aliyekuwa awe mume wako ili mfikie muafaka mzuri. Kwa sababu hutaweza kuwapenda wote wawili. Inaonyesha bado unampenda huyo kijana na njia nzuri ni kuweza kufikia mapatano fulani ili muweze kuwa pamoja katika ndoa na pia kutowakosea wazazi wako.

Juu ya yote hayo itabidi baada ya muda uyaondoe mapenzi ya mmoja wapo ima wazazi au kijana, na hilo ni jambo gumu lakini halina budi kutendwa.

Nasaha yetu ya pili ni kuwa uswali Swalah ya Istikhaarah, yaani kumtaka ushauri Allah (Subhaanahu wa Ta'ala), na Yeye Atakutolea njia katika utata huo

Na Allaah Anajua zaidi